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Sunday, 6 April 2014

Love EVERY Body #5

Hi folks. The fifth assignment for Love EVERY Body focuses on our stomach/waist: 'How do you feel about your stomach/tummy? Maybe it bears the marks of carrying a child. Maybe it looks different than it did years ago. Maybe an operation scar has changed the way you feel about it.' 

I have a love/hate relationship with my stomach. I kind of like the squishy softness of it, but then I sometimes dislike the way it looks in some clothes and wish it was more 'streamlined'. Somewhere among the flab I have a waist, and if you pull it all to the front (yes I actually do this sometimes) I'm actually quite curvy/hourglass-like. Sometimes I wish I was curvier/more defined, so that I can be the 'good'/acceptable fat that society wants me to be, but then I get annoyed with myself for thinking such things.

I've got a lot of stretch marks, but either they're not as visible as they used to be or I don't really notice them anymore. They don't really bother me. I've probably got a few little scars, too; I hit myself with an iron once (I don't even know how). I also have a little bit of hair that goes up to my belly button, which used to bother me but not so much now. I don't like my belly button being touched because it makes me feel like I need a wee!

I remember back when I finished school, in the Summer I wore a bikini. I was smaller than I am now, probably around a size 16-18, and was just starting to develop body confidence. Although I did look different back then, I've always really viewed myself as being the size that I am now. It's a difficult thing to explain. Would I wear a bikini now? A high waisted one probably, yeah. That is if I ever went on holiday! Or even to the beach. I don't have a passport and living in London now I rarely see the seaside; not enough to warrant buying a 'fatkini', anyway.

Most of my fat is situated around my stomach and the sides. I'm not a fan of the whole fruit shape thing, but it's the easiest thing to relate to and I still find myself using it; I think if it wasn't for my massive backside I would be an apple, although my shoulders aren't narrow. I don't have much else to say on the subject really...

I kinda like my stomach most of the time these days, maybe I even love it a little.

12 comments:

  1. I understand perfectly what you mean about how you see yourself. I've always seen myself as bigger than I am. I found this post really difficult to write, but I'm happy that you are able to love your stomach. I'm not quite there yet. I'm indifferent to mine.

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    1. It seems to be quite common. I haven't got round to reading everyone else's posts yet, must do that! Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, it's been sat on my to do list x

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  2. Thanks for sharing. It's good to hear that you, mostly, like/love your tum! :)

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    1. Thank you. Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, it's been sat on my to do list x

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  3. I agree our perceptions can be weird. For years I thought I was bigger than I was, and then for years without a decent sized mirror I thought I was smaller than I was. Oops! I'm glad you like/love your tum. I think there is a lot of shape privilege even in the plus size world with hourglass shapes being 'preferred' or thought of as more womanly, but that's a load of bunkum! x

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    1. I need a full size mirror! 'Curvy privilege' was briefly mentioned at a talk that I went to once, but I think a lot of people skirt around the subject. Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, it's been sat on my to do list x

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  4. I always think I'm bigger than I am. I think this is an issue that many women have. We are hardest on ourselves, so we tend to see ourselves in the harshest light. I'm so glad that you now like and love your belly! :D

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    1. That is true! It seems it happens to a lot of people. Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, it's been sat on my to do list x

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  5. I really love the last line it shows you are on the beautiful journey of acceptance xx

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    1. Thanks; I'm getting there! Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, it's been sat on my to do list x

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  6. Agree with the last line - it is awesome! Like others I find it really hard to see myself as the size I really am! When bigger I am in denial and when smaller I always feel bigger than other folks seem to see me! I enjoyed reading your post :)

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    1. I'm glad you enjoyed reading it :) it sounds like a lot of people perceive themselves 'differently' one way or another. Sorry it's taken me so long to reply, it's been sat on my to do list x

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